Shoot 'Em Up: The Review

Genre: Action
Cast: Clive Owen, Paul Giamatti, Monica Bellucci
Director: Michael Davis
Distributor: New Line Cinema
Runtime: 80 min
Rating: 3.5/10

Till now I have written reviews on movies that were either decently good or excellent. As a result people were convinced (wrongly) that I loved all Hollywood flicks that came into being. This review is for all those freaks.

The name is Shoot ‘Em Up and the movie lives up to its name, so much so that it shoots all the logic and brains out of the ceiling. Clive Owen is Mr. Smith, a carrot-eating trigger happy man with unknown past, in the wrong place at the wrong time (for the villains of the movie, and unfortunately for us too). He gets involved in a shoot-out with some bad guys trying to murder a pregnant woman in labour. Smith helps the woman deliver the baby while picking out his targets at ease in the entire process, but fails to save the woman. After smoking up all the bad guys, he proceeds to abandon the baby at a park but soon realizes that the thugs are after the baby too. So he rescues the baby, and takes him to his prostitute friend Donna played by Monica Bellucci. But Mr. Hertz, formerly an FBI psycho analyst and now the “smart” boss of bad guys, played by Paul Giamatti, traces him there. And so begins a chase action (con)sequence that ends (finally…!!!) with the climax. In the process bad guys die in heaps and bunch, our hero manages to dodge bullets which otherwise would have created a 9 inch gauze in a zillion meter square iron sheet, and we get a new on screen body count record that surpasses Kill Bill and the likes. On the way our Olympian finds his way into record books for single bullet kills also. Ah and yes, this basically overshadows a very mediocre sub plot of a conspiracy theory, where we learn that Hertz is working for a gun manufacturer who is trying to stop a bone marrow transplant of a Presidential candidate who is an active gun control supporter, and that the cells for the transplant are to come from the baby. What happens to the baby? Is the conspiracy squashed? How many carrots does our bunny eat on screen (they should ban on screen carrot eating, it should to be limited to bugs bunny only)? Nopes… you are not getting it all here. I am not going to waste this perfect chance of having my revenge. Go watch it yourself for all these unanswered questions and for answers to un-asked questions.

Well, that was just a synopsis. Here comes the review.
Since the name is Shoot ‘Em Up, there are shooting sequences in all possible environments in all (im)possible ways. The action is way over the top. Mr. Smith defies all the laws of physics and ballistics in such a grand manner that Mithun and Rajani look like rookies. Some action scenes worth mentioning:

• Killing a guy by stabbing him in throat using a carrot.
• Turning a carousel by shooting at it.
• Booby trapping gun storage cage using wooden planks and ropes.
• Shooting by pulling the trigger using carrot.
• Jumping from an over bridge into a car through sun roof.
• Shooting a hiding goon by shooting another one lying on the floor so that after shooting his hand, which holds a gun, turns to point at the hiding man and fires it to injure the poor soul. Such a fast thinking. Man I am impressed.

And wait for this….. wait for this…. Shooting by keeping bullets between fingers and placing the hand in front of a fireplace. Where the hell did this idea come from man?!!!!! The only fight worth mentioning is the one that takes place mid air when Smith and the thugs jump from an airplane and a gun fight ensues.

The soundtrack is good in some action sequences, but becomes boring and repetitive in most places. Direction obviously is very poor. Davis should try making movies with Van Damme and Jet Li as his cast. 100 marks to the editor for his job since all scenes look the same. How did he manage to make a story out of scenes which are basically nothing more than a meaningless gun-fight? Beats me!!! Clive Owen who has done better movies like King Arthur is a complete waste in the movie. He seems to have carried his role from Sin City to this movie without realizing that Sin City is altogether in a different genre. Monica Bellucci’s role could have been done by any other hot looking babe. Paul Giamatti shines (?!!) as compared to other cast.

There are lot of references and allegories to other classic Hollywood movies and books. Smith is referenced to in one scene being a trigger happy man with no name, an obvious reference to Clint Eastwood’s character in the Dollar Trilogy. Smith eats lot of carrots in the movie and even has a dialogue – “Whazzup doc?”, similar to Bugs Bunny. Then in one scene is the dialog “They had you at hello” – almost similar to the now famous line from Jerry Maguire. Also the name Smith is one of the most common names in England, and as Clive Owen’s character has English accent it is safe to assume he has English roots. This fact is consolidated further by a passing fact that his character’s grandfather emigrated to US and became a gunsmith. That could be another possible reason for his name being Smith. Also in one of the action scenes, Smith falls down a staircase shaft in a manner similar to Bourne Identity. Baby’s name is Oliver after the famous fictional orphan – Oliver Twist.

If you want to commit a suicide, I have better idea for you. Go watch this movie. And if you want to kill your boss, get him a couple of tickets.

Rating Break up:
Acting: 0.5/2
Direction: 0.5/2
Plot: 1/2
Editing and Soundtrack: 1/2
Theme Factor (Action): 0.5/2

Such a waste of time and money, especially when you are watching it alone on a drowsy Saturday afternoon.